Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Make Me A Believer

Everything is still weird.

I know there are probably a lot of things I’m not right about.

I don’t remember everything I’ve written as I was writing through trauma.

I went back and revised some things, but it feels disingenuous. Many of my perspectives have changed, especially regarding nutrition. Not so much with respect to education. A lot with respect to materialism, but probably not in ways that would show on my blog, even though I have tried to write about it. Spirituality? Belief? Well, that's a higher love that relies on consciousness, which I will cover below. I wrote in my book last year that experiences with materialism caused me to lose my faith; I believe I understand the reason why.

Language can really hamstring a person. The more verbal communication I do, the more I tend to ruminate on it. At some point it can become enslavement. For this reason, I am going to challenge myself to communicate in less stressful ways that are less subject to the pitfalls of changing perspective.

I am tired of thinking so hard. Tired of being so serious. It invites a lot of criticism, and I’m sorry to say this but I think that people are still confused about what’s important. The world’s on fire and I can’t even get the people in my own home to change their behavior. Not that I should; they are their own people. Being isolated sucks, so what else are young people who are trying to become adults supposed to do? I wish we had an electric car - one that is a few years old. I barely drive, anyway, but I feel it’s important for me to not consume so much. So, I’m just going to continue singing, making art, making love, reading, cooking, walking, sitting in the grass, and being accused of not doing things I “should” do. I want to work to live, not live to work. It has become non-negotiable. The stress was killing me. It’s a real challenge for me because of the indoctrination I endured. I have a difficult time relaxing and not worrying. I pick up on a lot of little stuff. Too much stuff. Plus, I have way too many ideas, but things I still have to do because I am not a fucking aristocrat. I don’t have money to pay Minions to do my bidding. Furthermore, I’m not sure that’s something I believe in.

I’m hoping that we actually have immunity after having the illness itself and then two doses of the vaccine. It’s scary hearing what’s going on in Malaysia right now. Coming out the other side of it, I feel like I know how to treat it, but I am not a medical professional. Furthermore, the approaches I have taken are anti-authoritarian and question a lot of the standard medical dogma. This is my space and I can write whatever I want here, but it’s too much work, and I’m still testing my theories. Something odd happened in India, though. If it really was from Ivermectin, then the CDC needs to pony up [EDIT 9/10/2021 - at this time it doesn't seem like ivermectin has been shown to be very effective, according to the Cochrane Database]. I’m letting my family go on with their lives, and I am seeing people when I have energy, but I may start wearing a mask again because of the new wave. We are all vaccinated. I have heard other people say they might do this because they enjoyed not having colds and flu. I was hoping that people would figure this out during the pandemic and desire to take responsibility for the general spread of airborne disease.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a young person right now. Their grandparents’ generation made everything so expensive already, and COVID was just another excuse for the wealthy to make it worse. It was heartbreaking to see so many people arguing that it was more important to protect industries than it was to protect lives. I wonder if they knew that they were making that argument.

I believe behaviorist and meritocratic thinking is due to lower states of consciousness. I say that because when I am in lower states of consciousness, that’s how I think. I believe lower states of consciousness are fairly common because we are poisoning ourselves. I wish I could say that I was being hyperbolic. I’m not. It’s not an urban thing, it’s not a rural thing, and it’s not a suburban thing. It is an American Thing.

We owe it to the world to clean this up. Each and every one of us, and especially our corporations. And we need to share how it changes our lives.

Volatile chemical solvents, which are now ubiquitous in the environment, induce anxiety by causing autonomic nervous dysfunction, and this results in xenophobia. I am certain of it. Xenophobia is essentially fear. Volatile chemicals also induce problems with communication, specifically with auditory and language processing. They cause problems with memory. They cause neuropathy. They cause depression. They cause digestive issues. When we’re feeling lousy, and are unable to communicate our ideas effectively, it is difficult to trust others, and it’s also difficult to be accountable. The communication problems get amplified the more people have been exposed to chemicals. Inability to think through problems or be self aware causes people to default to old modes of behavior which may not be as healthy. Sorry, I know I’m totally pooping on the party, but somebody has to say something because this has everything to do with dementia, war and peace.

Right now the air is pretty toxic from the wildfire smoke, so my prediction is that we may see an increase in things like accidents and depressive symptoms. If the people who were driving just because they want to slowed down and stopped driving so much, maybe we could avoid catastrophe. It doesn’t seem right to penalize citizens who have to drive to work because Colorado sold out to the oil and gas industry and didn’t invest in better public transportation for the Northern I-25 corridor earlier. But the rest of us could certainly chill out. Maybe we could all enjoy breathing while sitting out on the porch if everyone would just take the time to sit out on the porch!


Furthermore, we need to be careful how we spend our money. I've long been suspicious of derivative markets and the way they create economic imbalances, but I was recently made aware that cryptocurrency is bad for the environment. It's interesting how human beings can turn something invisible into something toxic. When we make investments, they should be in the interest of the future, not something that erodes it.

I think the world would change for the better if people would start metering their personal air quality and pay attention to how it affects their health. A year ago, people thought I was crazy because I could tell when my water heater was backdrafting based on how I felt, but I now know other people who can feel these things. We have to start somewhere. In the case of air quality, what we don’t know does hurt us, and I can’t think of a faster way to get us on a path to sustainability so we don’t experience the societal collapse predicted by MIT in 1972. I think it’s possible that we may end up finding that exposure to organic solvents is involved in things like SIDS and highway fatalities.

Talk about gaslighting!

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